Divorce: How to Support Your Kids

It is estimated that 3 out of 5 marriages will ultimately end in divorce. When given the chance to state their views, children want their parents to stay together. There are many different views as to how great an effect divorce or separation may have have on a child. Some argue that growing up in an unhappy marriage is more damaging than the experience of divorce on a child’s happy and healthy development.

Children’s experience of divorce is naturally completely different to their parents. Most parents have an inkling that their marriage is in trouble, but research suggests that most children have no idea at all about their parent’s troubles so the news of their parents decision to end their marriage may come as a huge shock.

Divorce is often compared to a bereavement, although it attracts less sympathy from the community than a bereavement does. A child and adult may experience feelings of denial, shock, anger, sadness and grief from the loss of their family structure. Divorce can be a very confusing time for a child; their world has shattered, yet all the people in it are still alive. This can often lead to the child feeling there is a chance parents may reunite. In addition to the emotions mentioned earlier, children may experience an added feeling of betrayal and worry that if mummy and daddy have stopped loving each other will they also stop loving me?

Research examining children’s mechanisms for coping with divorce has shown that children’s reactions depend on their developmental stage at the time when the divorce occurs.

Early Latency (5-8)Children of this age tend to act out with great sadness and some fear of being abandoned altogether by the parent who has left the family home. Younger children often express guilt and tend to blame themselves for their parents divorce.

Late Latency (9-12) These children often express intense anger and may try to beg and bargain with their parents to reverse the decision, which is usually rejected by at least one parent.

Adolescence (ages 13-18) These children experience loss, anger, sadness and and pain. A typical adolescent reaction to their parent’s divorce involves acting out, where they may become closer to their peers and behave as if their parents no longer matter in their lives.

We believe that most children of divorce or separation at any age are going to benefit from a place to share their feelings with children of their own age. Many children feel more comfortable sharing and discussing personal matters with someone outside of the family.

Some children have not spoken to anyone outside of their home about what’s happening at home, divorce is not a subject commonly discussed in the playground or classroom.

Is a support programme for children going through separation or divorce. We believe that it is crucial for children to be able to access support and have the space to offload some of their worries and concerns.

The workshops that take place at a kidspace will help reinforce a sense of belonging, which is helpful for pre-teens and teens who commonly turn to their peers for understanding the world.

Some of the questions children may have that will be addressed;

What has happened to my family?
Why do people get divorced?
Who is to blame?
Why do I feel like it is my fault?
If my parents have stopped loving each other will they stop loving me?
Why do I feel so angry?/worried/sad/scared?
How can I express my feelings and needs?
How can I help myself to feel better?

At a kidspace children attending workshops will be grouped according to their age and a have a safe confidential space to share their experiences and feelings with their peer group.

Children will have the opportunity to express themselves through the use of therapeutic games, art, stories and role play, they will have a positive group experience that allows them to feel that they are not alone

All workshops and individual sessions are run by registered professionals and take place after school or on a Saturday once a week for six weeks in North West London.

For more information, please contact:

Emma: 07980-556174
Stacey: 07811-745163

a kidspace, Chase Lodge Hospital, Page Street, London, NW7 2ED

www.akidspace.co.uk