Children Speak Childish

Children do not think and speak English as we adults know it. They speak Childish instead – a simple, inaccurate version of English, which is all they know. When their emotions are high, their intelligence is low and their vocabulary becomes even more limited and inaccurate. When parents listen to their children’s words as if they were spoken in proper English, they feel unappreciated or even attacked, and often blame their children for being inconsiderate and rude.

A little glossary can come in handy. See if any of the possible translations are relevant to your angry child.

Childish to English glossary

Childish	Possible meanings in English
No. I don’t want to. I won’t do it You can’t make me.	I’m not sure what you want and I’m too embarrassed to ask. I know what you want but it seems too hard and I feel I may fail. I’m worried or scared about doing it. I really don’t want to do this because I am tired/hungry/ have other things I want to do.
It’s boring.	It’s difficult and I’m not sure I can do it. I don’t see the point of it. It is not ‘cool’ – my friends may look down on me. I don’t like it.
It’s not fair.	Someone else is having something that I feel should be mine. You promised this to me and now you are not keeping your promise. You are so mean. I’m frustrated with you because you are stopping me from doing what I want.
You are so mean.	I’m frustrated with you because you are stopping me from doing what I want. I feel that you are winning and I’m losing
I hate you.	I’m so furious that I don’t know what to do or say. I feel humiliated.
I don’t love you anymore! You are not my mum!	I am so frustrated, confused and unhappy, and I don’t know what to do or say anymore. I need you to love me whatever I do.

Am I saying that it is okay for children to talk like this? Of course not. We need to teach children to talk in a respectful, mature manner, for their own sake, not just ours. Children need to learn to communicate their needs in English, not Childish!

The way children hear us can also be a problem. When they are angry they do not usually hear our words as we intend them to be heard. Children’s understanding of what we say is simplistic, crude, and sometimes completely twisted. They think in Childish.

Things become worse when our body language is less than calm, or when we raise our tone of voice a notch. Children’s buttons get pushed. It only takes a nanosecond for their emotions to go up and for their intelligence to go down.

Of course, there are many other ways for children to interpret what we say to them…

This excerpt is from Miriam Chachamu’s book, How to Calm a Challenging Child, published by Foulsham books and available on Amazon.

Miriam is a successful Family Psychotherapist and a Human Givens Practitioner, working in NW London.

For further information, please go to: www.enjoyyourchildren.com